Mustache Bachelor Party

Me: “gosh, 26 years old, man we are getting old man”
Buddy: “you’re birthday is in December isn’t it’
Me: “no that’s Jesus, we’re pretty similar though. Same popularity”

Where to start, where to start. The weekend was un-be-leiv-able. I hadn’t been to Milwaukee since I was younger, but the event lived up to its expectations. The following is a detailed description of the weekends event.

Friday, September 5
12:00 p.m. Running on 4 hours sleep, I leave Louisville to drive to Bloomington, Illinois to my alma mater Illinois State University to meet my buddies half-way to Sheboygan, Wisconsin. ISU has changed a lot since I left in the Fall of 2004. Every time I go back to the campus, a flood of college memories and stories come flowing back to me, some good, some bad, some embarrassing. ISU was where I actually picked up running. Usually on Constitution Trail after being out in the wee hours of the morning I would slog away on the trail hoping to burn the excess calories off from the night before. Luckily, I’m not a big fan of pizza so they were the liquid kind.
5:00 p.m. Woody and Whitman meet me. Tiffany, Woody’s wife, made me a bag of puppy chow. I ate half the bag. The weekend of gluttony started the when the first handful of powdered sugary chocolatey goodness was shoved in my mouth. It was a 4 hour drive from Bloomington to Sheboygan. 3 mustaches en route.
8:00 p.m. Pee break. I have a bladder of a child after slamming a 12 pack of Mountain Dew. 12 pack of Miller High Life is bought. Champaign of Beers. Gas station attendant promptly stares at my mustache, then my license, then my mustache.
9:45 pm. Arrive in Sheboygan. We all admire each others mustaches, rip on each other a bit, and then play flip cup and beer pong until 2 am. We play cards and gamble. Money is lost. Leo since he spilled beer. We think he peed his pants. 1 against 8. You peed your pants. Paul ate a whole box of Fruit Loop Cereal Straws.

Saturday, September 6
6:30 a.m. 4 hours of sleep again. For some reason we are all up by 7:30 waiting to start the day. Stupidity. Whitmans snoring is loud. Lumberjack loud. No cereal straws for breakfast, thanks Paul. We pack the cooler with beverages and brats. The first Budweiser is cracked at 9:45 a.m. I think I might need a nap.
10:00 a.m. Load up the van and drive to Milwaukee. The van ride is filled with inappropriate comets, wet willies (wet finger in ear…you know what I mean), and showing off our mustaches to those who drive by.
11:30. a.m Start our first brewery tour at Lakefront Brewery. The best of the two tours by far. The first thing we did was pour our complimentary beer and start discussing how to make the wonder that is beer. Our tour guide, Elea, was the female version of our groups stereotype, a good-time having, sometimes vulgar, beer drinkin class lady. She would bring a tear to any alcoholic mothers eyes. We learned about barley, hops (and it’s cousin marijuana), water, and yeast. Everytime our beers were empty she filled them back up. Going back to my young school childhood, we then learned about “bung” and the “bunghole”…hehhheh hehhhhhehe Beavis and Butthead. Where is my RATT shirt when I need it. After the tour, we lounged around the bar using all of our free drink tokens. The stares were endless. One for our mustaches, the second for the 5 of us wearing Cubs gear among Brewer faithful. I think the stache’s are what took the cake. Children were sheltered from looking our way.

LakeFront Brewery Review : My favorite beer was by far the Cattail Ale. Nice and crisp with not too much bite. I also tried to IPA, not bad, the typical. For lagers, I drank the Klisch Pilsner beer, named after the owners, and the seasonal Cherry lager, which was pretty dang good since I am not a huge fan of dark beer. The last beer I tried was Oktoberfest beer. Ehh not a fan. Overall, I thought the beers were pretty good, but they were trumped by the hospitality of the Brewery. It was not just your this is how it’s made schpiel, rather it was an informative look back into how Milwaukeeans have been getting toasty since 1987.


** Different Beers Tasted So Far: Budweiser, Natural Lite, Cattail Ale, IPA, Klisch Pilsner, Cherry Lager, Oktoberfest (7)**

2:00 p.m. The absence of sleep is slowly kicking in. If it wasn’t for a being hungry, I would have taken a nap in the van. Oh yea and the fact that if I did 10 of my buddies would have endlessly terrorized me for even attempting to sleep. Our next stop was Sprecher Brewery. We ran out of the van like it was on fire because we had to go to the bathroom so bad the sink looked tempting. Very tempting. Unlike Lakefront, where we were given a private tour, this was a group tour and lots of kids were involved. Kids, brewerys, not a great combination in my book. When a group of mustaches guys jump out of a white van, I would grab my kids and run for the nearest Chuck-E-Cheese.

When you add semi-intoxicated young adults and a tour, where you just heard the information, the only thing guaranteed is lots of debauchery. We pretty much just walked through the 30 minute tour to end up trying the beers at the end. We weren’t too excited with this tour or the hippi-ish presenter. Nothing against hippies, my parents are both hippies and I love the Dead, but he did a crap-tastic job. We got a table and then for some reason, people just kept walking over too our table giving us their beer tickets. Sadly, we couldn’t use them all because we had tailgating to do.

Sprecher Brewery Review: My first beer of choice was the Hefe-Weis, thinking it would be like most of the other beers I like that are Bavarian…it was too spicy and fruity for me though. Next was Sprecher Pub Ale, a nice bodied ale, followed up by Sprecher Light, your typical Lite beer. I ended it just like Lakefront, with an Oktoberfest. Overall, OK beers, but not a big fan.

** Different Beers Tasted So Far: Budweiser, Natural Lite, Lake Front Cattail Ale, Lakefront IPA, Lakefront Klisch Pilsner, Lakefront Cherry Lager, Lakefront Oktoberfest, Sprecher Hefe-Weis, Sprecher Pub Ale, Sprecher Light, Sprecher Oktoberfest (11)**

3:30 p.m. En route to Miller Park. 40 brats to be cooked. Boos rained down upon us for the Cubs gears. Women were disgusted by our mustaches. Hitting on any women would have been a feat of the gods this weekend. I love bags, or bagg-o or cornhole to others, depending on location. We have a unwritten rule that is you get skunked, 11-0 that you have to do a Nudie Run…i.e. a nude run around the block, house, or wherever you were playing. This would have been impossible at the stadium. Woody and I skunked 4 teams in a row. 4 nudies were owed to us. Oh yea, the groom, I haven’t even spoken about Bainter. We did our best to make sure this red-headed wonder boy had a good time. So Leo and I found as many attractive females as we could to get a picture with him stroking his mustache.
6:05 pm. We walked into the game amongst boo’s, “cub’s suck”, and “go back to Chicago” yells. It didn’t help the Brewers were playing the Padres and we had no reason to be even wearing that. On my walk in, I grabbed a crew members broom and started sweeping the floor and yelling “just like last time we were here, sweep sweep sweep.”. Cubs swept the Brewers. The insults kept coming. Good thing I had 10 guys with my back.

** Different Beers Tasted So Far: Budweiser, Natural Lite, Lake Front Cattail Ale, Lakefront IPA, Lakefront Klisch Pilsner, Lakefront Cherry Lager, Lakefront Oktoberfest, Sprecher Hefe-Weis, Sprecher Pub Ale, Sprecher Light, Sprecher Oktoberfest, Miller Lite, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Michelob Golden Light, Leinenkugels Sunset Wheat (15)**

6:45 pm We sat in the right field bleachers. The bleacher are my favorite place to sit. Among the peasants as I think. Well I met up with Runs Like A Girl, a.k.a Lisa from our RunnersWorld Boston Forum, and her family at the game. We originally met at the Boston F.E. when she introduced herself to me and I acted like I had no idea who she was. She still gives me crap for that. We sat and talked baseball, running, being injured, and everything in life in general for a majority of the game. Her kids were great, except for the Brewers t shirts. After the game, she and a friend actually came and tailgated with us. It was great to be able to talk with someone in my same injury boat. People probably looked in awe as two fine looking ladies were hanging around with mustache-laden suddsed up idiots.

10:30 p.m. TO THE BARS!!! Our first stop was The Mich…short for The Michigan. Then we managed to find an establishment with a band that played 80’s music. Can it get any better?!?! I was officially done consuming beverages after the Jack and Coke at the Mich. We pumped our first, stroked our mustaches, and sung songs as loud as we could until 2:00 a.m.

Final Count: ** Different Beers Tasted So Far: Budweiser, Natural Lite, Lake Front Cattail Ale, Lakefront IPA, Lakefront Klisch Pilsner, Lakefront Cherry Lager, Lakefront Oktoberfest, Sprecher Hefe-Weis, Sprecher Pub Ale, Sprecher Light, Sprecher Oktoberfest, Miller Lite, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Michelob Golden Light, Leinenkugels Sunset Wheat, Jack and Coke (16)**

Overall, the trip was a blast. Nothing went wrong. As soon as I got back to Bainters, I shaved the stache. It will forever be left in Sheboygan. I was in a car for about 11 hours yesterday though and all I consumed was A chicken strip. I feel better today.

Bainter, the bachelor



It's even better when the Lakefront Tour guide drinks...


maybe it was the red hat, the red shirt, or the stache...but Shelby was called Mario all day!




the crew


RLAG and I


RLAG, I, and PBR


Pretty sure I am beltin' Living on a Prayer!